Current weight: 209.7
Things have amped up now that both kids have started school. There are always lots of meetings, greeting meetings, teas, and of course, the endless list of school supplies that are still pending. Where do I find contact paper??? So I intend to exercise every day that Grace is in school, at least. With those days, and 1 day of the weekend, I should be good to go. But I'm going to relax about it, not stress about it. As Renee says, let go. The letting go has more positive energy to it than obsessing about what I should be doing or what I shouldn't be doing.
I've been busy, so been forgetting some of the things to do in regards to hunger and re-do's. I'm going over my notes tomorrow to refresh my memory.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
To binge or not to Binge
Ok, so I'm in the middle of a binge right now. I'm thinking very clearly, but I'm hiding from the girls, because I don't want them to eat what I'm eating. And I WANT TO EAT! I don't want to stop myself right now. This time (4:00 to about 5:00) is usually a binge time, because I'm probably close to ready for dinner (which isn't cooked yet). I usually have lunch at about 1:00, but this time, I'm, of course, not full, so I start to eat.
This time is usually my first binge of the day, my 2nd binge is probably after the girls go to bed, which falls into the same hunger category, not full. This happens about 3 times a week I'd say.
What to do? Have dinner ready before I pick Sam up? Have a protein snack ready when I get home?
I think I definitely have to plan the day before what I'm going to eat, especially at these 2 times.
I'll weigh tomorrow, I was too tired this morning!
This time is usually my first binge of the day, my 2nd binge is probably after the girls go to bed, which falls into the same hunger category, not full. This happens about 3 times a week I'd say.
What to do? Have dinner ready before I pick Sam up? Have a protein snack ready when I get home?
I think I definitely have to plan the day before what I'm going to eat, especially at these 2 times.
I'll weigh tomorrow, I was too tired this morning!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Self-Correcting Practice
Today I did my first self correct. We had an apple pie for my mother in law's birthday, and I didn't have any to compensate for yesterday's stress eating. I was all set to have a piece when it occurred to me to skip it.
I also bought some celestial seasonings tension tamer tea at the store today. So when I'm feeling me blood pressure rising, I will turn on the water immediately.
I also bought some celestial seasonings tension tamer tea at the store today. So when I'm feeling me blood pressure rising, I will turn on the water immediately.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Mini-goals
Current Weight - 212.4
I've read and heard of other people making mini goals for themselves as they lose weight, it gives a feeling of accomplishment and motivates to keep going.
So here are my mini goals, basically to get to each pre-pregnancy weight:
1. 5% goal: 202
1. pre-Hope weight: 192
2. pre-Faith weight: 186
3. pre-Grace weight: 175
4. pre-Sam weight: 160
5. pre-wedding weight: 144
They look pretty doable when they're down in front of me. Now I still have to figure out how to manage my stress.
I've read and heard of other people making mini goals for themselves as they lose weight, it gives a feeling of accomplishment and motivates to keep going.
So here are my mini goals, basically to get to each pre-pregnancy weight:
1. 5% goal: 202
1. pre-Hope weight: 192
2. pre-Faith weight: 186
3. pre-Grace weight: 175
4. pre-Sam weight: 160
5. pre-wedding weight: 144
They look pretty doable when they're down in front of me. Now I still have to figure out how to manage my stress.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Episode IV - A New Cope
Current Weight -?
I was a little disorganized this morning, and I wasn't able to weigh myself, but it proved to be a stressful, eating in response to stress, day.
So, I was very aware that I was in a fuzzy, stress haze, I could not detect my level of hunger at all. This was because my body was buzzing from yelling and being very upset. I was fully aware of my overeating, I just couldn't stop it. Plus I was waiting for myself to feel less full so I could eat again, mainly because I wasn't able to calm myself down. It wasn't the end of the day, I still had to take care of everyone and clean, and brush teeth, and whatever else.
So what do I do about this? It's definitely a do over, but what can I do during these times of pretty extreme stress? First off, I guess I have to keep calmer, I can't let myself lose it. Just take it in stride. I'm going to get out my journal now and come up with a plan of action for these times.
Now is the time.
I was a little disorganized this morning, and I wasn't able to weigh myself, but it proved to be a stressful, eating in response to stress, day.
So, I was very aware that I was in a fuzzy, stress haze, I could not detect my level of hunger at all. This was because my body was buzzing from yelling and being very upset. I was fully aware of my overeating, I just couldn't stop it. Plus I was waiting for myself to feel less full so I could eat again, mainly because I wasn't able to calm myself down. It wasn't the end of the day, I still had to take care of everyone and clean, and brush teeth, and whatever else.
So what do I do about this? It's definitely a do over, but what can I do during these times of pretty extreme stress? First off, I guess I have to keep calmer, I can't let myself lose it. Just take it in stride. I'm going to get out my journal now and come up with a plan of action for these times.
Now is the time.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Fiber...the body's Roto Rooter
Current Weight: 211.3
Fiber...what the microwave brownie that I had tonight did not have. I was totally responding to the stress from this afternoon and evening. This is a total do over. Next time I will come up with something to do on the computer that I will look forward to. I will sit down, take a deep breath, and focus on just relaxing, not choosing food to help me relax.
So I was talking to Mike last week about fiber. He grew up with a very processed, white flour, tuna, pb&j, whole milk, soda diet. So now as we're getting older, I've been trying to get real bulk into both our diets. I've been choosing these things for a long time now, and I love fruit, but Mike still has a ways to go. He's super tempted by the things I mentioned above, so I don't bring them into the house. But he definitely is willing, so it shouldn't be to hard for him to add fiber. I told him that if he really didn't want to give up his favorite foods, then schedule a day to eat that stuff. Be a responsible overeater.
I think I'm going to try adding metamucil or psylium husk to our diet. I'm already adding benefiber to Sam's drinks already, since he eats a very low fiber diet. Can't have too much fiber, Mike was amazed when I explained what job fiber has in our body. It cleans out our colon area like drano. All the processed junk spackles itself to the walls of the colon, because it's just gunk after it's digested, liquidy, soft gunk. But the high fiber foods take longer to digest, and they leave more behind after they're digested, so they sort of scrape the walls of the colon when they are ready to become waste.
Fiber...what the microwave brownie that I had tonight did not have. I was totally responding to the stress from this afternoon and evening. This is a total do over. Next time I will come up with something to do on the computer that I will look forward to. I will sit down, take a deep breath, and focus on just relaxing, not choosing food to help me relax.
So I was talking to Mike last week about fiber. He grew up with a very processed, white flour, tuna, pb&j, whole milk, soda diet. So now as we're getting older, I've been trying to get real bulk into both our diets. I've been choosing these things for a long time now, and I love fruit, but Mike still has a ways to go. He's super tempted by the things I mentioned above, so I don't bring them into the house. But he definitely is willing, so it shouldn't be to hard for him to add fiber. I told him that if he really didn't want to give up his favorite foods, then schedule a day to eat that stuff. Be a responsible overeater.
I think I'm going to try adding metamucil or psylium husk to our diet. I'm already adding benefiber to Sam's drinks already, since he eats a very low fiber diet. Can't have too much fiber, Mike was amazed when I explained what job fiber has in our body. It cleans out our colon area like drano. All the processed junk spackles itself to the walls of the colon, because it's just gunk after it's digested, liquidy, soft gunk. But the high fiber foods take longer to digest, and they leave more behind after they're digested, so they sort of scrape the walls of the colon when they are ready to become waste.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I can't stop this feeling anymore!
Current Weight: 211.4
I'm becoming more accustomed to recognizing my hunger, and I guess by doing it over and over, I'm creating a habit. I do find, though, that later in the day (which are more hectic for me), is harder to be in tune with my hunger, and I'm reacting more to the growing stress. It doesn't have to be a high level of stress, just a tenseness because of the amount of stuff to get done. I have to become calmer during that time.
I have come up with things to do to de-stress, quick, little things.
-Read
-Listen to poscasts
-Watch a "grown-up" show
-Take a deep breath, count to 10
-Maybe dance to one of the kids' songs
These are things that I have to do in the house, I can't go for a walk, or go swimming or something. I do find I eat more during this time of about 3-5. Then I end up being full for dinner.
I'm becoming more accustomed to recognizing my hunger, and I guess by doing it over and over, I'm creating a habit. I do find, though, that later in the day (which are more hectic for me), is harder to be in tune with my hunger, and I'm reacting more to the growing stress. It doesn't have to be a high level of stress, just a tenseness because of the amount of stuff to get done. I have to become calmer during that time.
I have come up with things to do to de-stress, quick, little things.
-Read
-Listen to poscasts
-Watch a "grown-up" show
-Take a deep breath, count to 10
-Maybe dance to one of the kids' songs
These are things that I have to do in the house, I can't go for a walk, or go swimming or something. I do find I eat more during this time of about 3-5. Then I end up being full for dinner.
Friday, September 4, 2009
The answer to life, the universe and everything...
It's 42.
No really,
I was discussing with Mike last night what my motivation for getting myself back to normal this last time. It's really strong feeling that I have, that it's my responsibility as a grown up and a mother to have a strong, healthy body. I don't want to be sick, I will not give that kind of burden to my children. I am responsible in so many other ways, but I don't think I ever thought of extra weight as being connected with responsibility. BUT IT IS! God blessed me not just with myself, but with my self.
I am starting to understand the answer to a happy, contented life. You have to go with what life hands you, not fight against it. It's a very simple concept, but very profound. We went through all the people that have come into our lives, and attributed this theory to their situation. And we found that those who were unhappy, always seeming to have year after year of misfortune without being able to get ahead, were so busy fighting against and bemoaning what life had given them instead of trying to learn from mistakes or misfortune and moving forward. There are some who live so much in the past that they are missing years and years of their present, and making a mess of it! I will not go on and on about getting older, on the contrary, I've earned my age! Of course, I wish I felt younger and, at times, looked younger, but I believe that how old you feel is a HUGE factor in how you age. For goodness sake, age is merely a tracking of time that started when we entered this world. It's really unimportant. What is important is what we do with this time.
I vow to go with the flow of life. God created us on the earth as part of a great balance. It makes sense. We should eat from the earth, of the earth as much as possible. Our diets have moved so far away from that way that we have come to depend on certain artificial foods like no calorie sweeteners, prepackaged lunches, prepackaged 100 calorie snacks (can anyone tell me why we can't put the right portion into ziplocs instead?).
I am calm during this time, and I am in control. It's actually a lot easier now, I don't feel like there's a part of me fighting against becoming healthy. All of me is going in the same direction. I am not perfect, of course! That's not what this is about, this is about feeling good and clean!
Note to self: Do the do-over every night. Keep a good check on that hunger level.
No really,
I was discussing with Mike last night what my motivation for getting myself back to normal this last time. It's really strong feeling that I have, that it's my responsibility as a grown up and a mother to have a strong, healthy body. I don't want to be sick, I will not give that kind of burden to my children. I am responsible in so many other ways, but I don't think I ever thought of extra weight as being connected with responsibility. BUT IT IS! God blessed me not just with myself, but with my self.
I am starting to understand the answer to a happy, contented life. You have to go with what life hands you, not fight against it. It's a very simple concept, but very profound. We went through all the people that have come into our lives, and attributed this theory to their situation. And we found that those who were unhappy, always seeming to have year after year of misfortune without being able to get ahead, were so busy fighting against and bemoaning what life had given them instead of trying to learn from mistakes or misfortune and moving forward. There are some who live so much in the past that they are missing years and years of their present, and making a mess of it! I will not go on and on about getting older, on the contrary, I've earned my age! Of course, I wish I felt younger and, at times, looked younger, but I believe that how old you feel is a HUGE factor in how you age. For goodness sake, age is merely a tracking of time that started when we entered this world. It's really unimportant. What is important is what we do with this time.
I vow to go with the flow of life. God created us on the earth as part of a great balance. It makes sense. We should eat from the earth, of the earth as much as possible. Our diets have moved so far away from that way that we have come to depend on certain artificial foods like no calorie sweeteners, prepackaged lunches, prepackaged 100 calorie snacks (can anyone tell me why we can't put the right portion into ziplocs instead?).
I am calm during this time, and I am in control. It's actually a lot easier now, I don't feel like there's a part of me fighting against becoming healthy. All of me is going in the same direction. I am not perfect, of course! That's not what this is about, this is about feeling good and clean!
Note to self: Do the do-over every night. Keep a good check on that hunger level.
Sugar makes me go fuzzy...
Weight: 214.2
I really don't keep much sugary snacks in the house, maybe one at a time. Mainly because the girls can't stop thinking about it until it's gone. And of course, I end up eating a good bit of it too, no matter what it may be. I don't even keep cake mixes or brownies here anymore. They seriously send me into a tailspin.
When I went over to Mom's today, they had about 4 different kinds of cookies, and a refrigerator filled with waxed paper covered donuts. Of course, this amount of goodies would take them about 3 months to eat, and when I saw all this, I literally went all fuzzy, out of focus. I couldn't recognize my amount of hunger at all. It was really strange. I guess I wasn't hungry at all if I couldn't figure out how hungry I actually was. Makes sense. I ended up eating about 5 or 6 cookies over the course of 4 hours that we were there.
I would like to publicize my blog to others, but I haven't gotten the nerve yet. I am heavier now than I have ever been (non pregnant), and I'm not at the point where I want the people I know to know about it. I would much rather publicize it to the general public. I guess I think that others will see my being heavy as a failure, a connotation of laziness and irresponsibility. Yeah, laziness, tell that to my 4 kids who HATE to see me sit down!
I really don't keep much sugary snacks in the house, maybe one at a time. Mainly because the girls can't stop thinking about it until it's gone. And of course, I end up eating a good bit of it too, no matter what it may be. I don't even keep cake mixes or brownies here anymore. They seriously send me into a tailspin.
When I went over to Mom's today, they had about 4 different kinds of cookies, and a refrigerator filled with waxed paper covered donuts. Of course, this amount of goodies would take them about 3 months to eat, and when I saw all this, I literally went all fuzzy, out of focus. I couldn't recognize my amount of hunger at all. It was really strange. I guess I wasn't hungry at all if I couldn't figure out how hungry I actually was. Makes sense. I ended up eating about 5 or 6 cookies over the course of 4 hours that we were there.
I would like to publicize my blog to others, but I haven't gotten the nerve yet. I am heavier now than I have ever been (non pregnant), and I'm not at the point where I want the people I know to know about it. I would much rather publicize it to the general public. I guess I think that others will see my being heavy as a failure, a connotation of laziness and irresponsibility. Yeah, laziness, tell that to my 4 kids who HATE to see me sit down!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Weight: 213.4
After spending 3 days on a "mini-vacation", I didn't do much damage, and we did do a bunch of physical activity. Thank goodness for the hotel pool. I just love to swim, and it's a pleasure to be able to do so. Of course, I don't have a bathing suit, and I'm not sure why. I haven't had one since before I had Sam, so almost 7 years! Wow, I think it's time to get one, no matter what size it is. It really stinks to have to wear a tshirt and shorts into the pool, complete with bra and panties. I guess my size has varied so much since before my pregnancies, that I just never got around to getting one.
We're spending our last weekend of summer in as much relaxation as possible, since the mayham will begin next week. I'm hoping to get more exercise in now that Grace is in school full day 3 days a week. I did have a lot more to say, but I can't remember what they are. I kept thinking of things this week to write about, but one of those things should have been some post its.
Oh well, I'll post them as I remember them.
Keep on truckin...
BTW - I've made a chart for myself to track my weight daily. I have a theory about that, I'll discuss in another post. But it's very satisfying to see progress in chart form! It's a paper chart, not one on the computer, I like seeing it in front of me, seems more "real".
Note to self: Post about fiber.
After spending 3 days on a "mini-vacation", I didn't do much damage, and we did do a bunch of physical activity. Thank goodness for the hotel pool. I just love to swim, and it's a pleasure to be able to do so. Of course, I don't have a bathing suit, and I'm not sure why. I haven't had one since before I had Sam, so almost 7 years! Wow, I think it's time to get one, no matter what size it is. It really stinks to have to wear a tshirt and shorts into the pool, complete with bra and panties. I guess my size has varied so much since before my pregnancies, that I just never got around to getting one.
We're spending our last weekend of summer in as much relaxation as possible, since the mayham will begin next week. I'm hoping to get more exercise in now that Grace is in school full day 3 days a week. I did have a lot more to say, but I can't remember what they are. I kept thinking of things this week to write about, but one of those things should have been some post its.
Oh well, I'll post them as I remember them.
Keep on truckin...
BTW - I've made a chart for myself to track my weight daily. I have a theory about that, I'll discuss in another post. But it's very satisfying to see progress in chart form! It's a paper chart, not one on the computer, I like seeing it in front of me, seems more "real".
Note to self: Post about fiber.
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